So Big Daddy and I joined a gym. I've been 3 times so far, which I'm pretty proud of. I've learned from previous failed gym memberships that I have not come close to getting in a habit and I have a ways to go before this becomes another great waste of money.
How was it in my younger days I could work out 5-7 days a week and never used the "I'm tired" excuse? Now I go and just feel lost. I mean I know how to use most of the machines but I feel like one of those gym virgins who just wanders from place to place hoping to not look like a loser. I'm constantly trying to find the time when no one is there. Where did my workout confidence go?
I've thought about getting a session with a personal trainer, but I had a few sessions with one when I was first pregnant with M. I think I know what I need to do. I just need to actually get on the ball and get aggressive. I hate that I don't recognize my body anymore. I hate that I'm not proud of how I look anymore. I hate that I'm falling victim to the cultural expectation that women must be a size 2 to be beautiful. I hate that to get back to where I was two years ago I'd have to eat nothing but celery and Tic Tacs.
So I've been thinking that someday I'm actually going to have to put this blog out for public scrutiny. I mean, obviously it's public. But I may have to actually let people know it's out here. Otherwise why am I writing it? Though sometimes I just like getting all the jumbled mess out of my head.
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